Predicament:  a difficult, perplexing, or trying situation

Today my world came to a harsh reality when “breaking news” invaded my private little hideaway to let me know that Jersey Shore’s ‘The Situation’ would net $5 million this year alone.  After stepping back in from the ledge of the building and taking my mouth off of the can of gasoline — I had to take a hard look at my life.  Why was ‘The Situation’ famous and how in fuck’s name did this happen?  I looked at his attributes and tried to compare myself in a 1 v. 1 winner take all scenario.  He’s got abs.  He hangs out with his friends.  He changed his name to something interesting.  He parties.  He wears a ‘shirt before a shirt.’ He speaks in unnecessary initialisms (yes, initialism not acronyms) and is not afraid to use them.  He even has the audacity to look at others in shock when they are not privy to these ridiculous initialisms.

I have been doing in-depth research on The Jersey Shore in preparation of other scientific experimentation, so this news was fortuitous at best and I am prepared to discuss ‘The Situation’ academically.  Now for the comparison.

I have abs and could have better abs with enough shading and tricky lighting.  I have friends and am known to spend time with them  at parties (yes, I do have friends you awful assholes).  I have a penchant for pseudonyms and have decided on the new name ‘The Predicament.’   I have shirts and have worn more than one in a single day .  Today, when I found out The Situation’s pay rate I wanted to PMIJ (punch myself in the junk) and go on a TSKS (three state killing spree) but instead I did some SECTS (self examination compared to The Situation).  And yes, I have a different ‘language’ shared between myself and my close group of friends.

The unholy shocking truth about all of this is that I do not hate The Situation nor do I blame/dislike him.  He works out and thereby promotes a somewhat healthy lifestyle, so he cashed in on it with a workout video.  He likes to hang with his friends, so he cashed in on it and got MTV to film their lives.  He likes to party, so he got MTV to pay for it as well and became an instant VIP.  He likes to look nice when going out, so he wears a shirt before a shirt.  He needed a name to identify himself, so he came up with something original that he branded (Madonna, Prince, Ke$ha, Banksy).  He likes to make his friends feel special, so he uses random initialism that only they understand.

Fuck.  This guy sounds like he did it right.  Okay, I do not agree with his treatment of women.  But please take a close look at your friends and anyone out on a Friday night in Hollywood (man or woman) and see if they are truly any different.  Perhaps it is the constant look of childlike astonishment on his face, but it is hard to find the fault  Fuck, they had the first Sunday family dinner I have ever seen on MTV.  Fuck, he is even doing Dancing with the Stars – probably one of the most wholesome concepts to come across the television in recent years.

The Situation, meet The Predicament.  Support.