Not one’s to miss any sort of trendy season, we wanted to get in on the wedding action. Why? Because we don’t want to go to your boring fucking wedding.

So here’s our take on how to make your wedding perfectly splendid.

Here’s an example of an intellectual’s wedding:

Getting that facial hair just right is key to pulling off the above look.

I’m glad my daughter has stars like Myriah Carey to look up to when choosing wedding attire. She’s worn like 8 wedding gowns in her lifetime, but this one is by far my favorite. Go for this look if you are preparing to surprise your new hubby by wearing a strap-on later. The facial expression is key.

This next one is what I wore to my wedding. It made my penis look fucking huge and showed off my chest hair.

Susan didn’t realize the videographer that Sam had hired previously worked in the porn industry:

Don’t make the same mistake. Check those references.

The chick in the back threw-up immediately after this next picture was taken. It makes me uncomfortable to look at it. My advice: marry someone attractive so people don’t throw up at your wedding.

The condom dress is a retro look. Wear it only if marrying an old rich man who will get tired out while trying to figure out how to get if off you to save yourself from old man penis.

In case your old man doesn’t believe the baby is his. Or didn’t know you were pregnant.

If you want to end up on websites like this all over America, go with this All-American look:

I think these next chicks are actually plastic Russian sex dolls that you can buy online, but I could be wrong.

Every single person at this wedding went home thinking, ‘What the fuck was that?’ That, my friend, is success.

According to all my Google research, this is the ‘Sluttiest’ wedding dress of all time. If by “Slutty,’ they mean ‘awesome,’ then this dress has my vote…

Oh wait – the same dress? Yes, because boobs are the biggest wedding trend of 2010. You heard it here first.

We are all for gay marriage here, but sometimes we don’t understand why you would want to marry a man.

If you want a celebrity style wedding, follow this ‘Vanilla Ice resurrects his career as a pimp and marries Vampira’ idea:

There is a lot to take in in the next photo. Great DIY ideas to take away from this wedding:

ducks make great decorations and ‘customizing’ the wardrobe you already have in your closet saves tons on the wardrobe budget.

This next pic is from a Bridesmaids’ ‘fashion show.’ I’d definitely go with the orange lacy get-up with the strappy shoes – you’d think the chick in the green was the sluttiest one, but those strappy shoes and squished-up tits give it away. The one in the orange is the one to slip the roofie. And that is what makes a successful bridesmaid.

What the fuck? Even the baby in the picture is like ‘What the fuck?’ If you feel like you don’t get enough attention in your world, this next dress is  probably a good choice for you, actually.

This next one isn’t a wedding dress. But it should be.

Good luck, kids. Remember, divorce is for quitters.