“He who lives by fighting with an enemy has an interest in preservation of the enemy’s life.”
So true, my dear Nietzsche. This is why we wrote a ‘Hipster Handbook.”
Inspired by that video we posted (here if you haven’t caught on yet), we decided that since no one will admit to being a hipster, that actually being a hipster that admits to being a hipster is cool. So we’re becoming hipsters that will cop to it. Card carrying ones, literally. That’s how cutting edge we are. You want in?
Of course you do, because continually making fun of people is the American way. Here’s a few little tips on how to blend in, or how not to blend in, depending on your perception I guess…Point is, we would never steer you wrong, so grab your fixie bike and let’s roll:
Always skip the hard liquor, hipsters only drink PBR. (Yahoo Answers discusses the topic here.)
When in doubt if your pants are tight enough, borrow your lady’s.
Get some printed shorts and wear them with a mustache.
Shoes: loafers, boat shoes or those hideous canvas Ked type shoes – preferably with a print or mismatched shoelaces. Or anything suede.
Get a girlfriend that looks like you and that you can share clothes with.
Follow every move of Mark the Cobrasnake. If you don’t know who he is, you might as well give up on being a hipster, you’re already way too far behind.
If you’re a chick: wear a lot of leggings, mostly as pants, preferably metallic gold or silver and carry an oversized old grandma-style vintage purse. Wear sandals from the movie gladiator and scrunchie 80′s boots if it’s real hot out. Oh, and wear a lot of floral print. Ugly ones. Don’t brush your hair. Ever. Oh and wear bunny ears to pool parties or wherever. Seriously.
Wear a scarf with your terrible/amazing haircut.
Wear a witty slogan tee. Perferably something vintage. Or an obscure band tee, not necessarily a band you know or like, just something obscure, preferably something from the 80′s, that no one’s ever heard of. Or with a wolf on it. Or a Cosby sweater. Those be sexy.
(That last one isn’t really a ‘hipster’ tee, more of a ‘gansta rapper’ tee, but more power to ya if you can pull it off. It’s awesome.)
Wear a belt. Something braided or white. Or this:
Get a wrist tattoo.
Glasses. Wear the pair your mom made you wear in 2nd grade. Or Raybans. Or anything black rimmed. Basically, wear glasses, lenses not required.
Move into an area that’s seems cheap, but really isn’t because all your other friends are moving there because the gays already made it cool but moved because of all the hipsters moving in. There will already be two organic coffee houses and a health food store every other block. Also, an old, but hip, dinner from the late 70′s where the old men eat will be there. The old men will leave, don’t worry. Some people in America aren’t happy with the hipser migration and have drawn the line. Literally. Here.
Do things like:
-drink organic tea or coffee with soymilk.
-smoke parliments.
-look smug.
-look bored.
-talk about secret after hours parties really loud wherever you are.
-drive an old beat up car, preferably something European.
-don’t admit you shop at American Apparel.
-make friends with Kelly Osbourne.
-post loads of pics of you and your other hipster friends at parties, or just on the street, being super silly/cool on facebook so websites like this can steal them.
-accessorize.
-shave part of your head. just part of it.
-Go bowling.
That’s enough to get us all started, so send us a picture of your handiwork and we’ll send you your official ‘I’m a hipster’ card to show your friends. Fuck those unofficial hipsters. And yes, Jeffrey Damnit, your’s is already in the mail.
Special thanks to Bj (Panda) Bear for posting over 1,600 pictures onto facebook to make this post possible.
Cheers.
how long does hipster show themselves without any shame in US?? in europe it’s still kinda of new but it’s starting.. and they’re not as cool as the US…
I think all of us have a little bit of hipster floating around in us the same way we have dead brains cells. Problem is, too much hipster, like too much dead brain cells, makes you a fucking retard.
what’s with the smiley face censorship?
The hipster didn’t like that we used his photo. This was our compromise? This was our first and last compromise, me thinks.
Love this shit.
Great shirt up there “I jack off on…
Hipsters are like fashions Crackheads at an Outback steakhouse “No rules just right.” The only problem is its actually wrong. Great article.
Good stuff. Carry on.
Hahaha! In Scotland there are lots of them now, some are interesting, arty and nice but many are just jumping on the bandwagon now that primark has made it super affordable to get the faux “vintage” look. Many are neds who have just discovered a new trend to ruin. My sister ans I like to call them Chavsters, chavs (Neds) who have decided to become hipsters, but don’t pull it off well and look cheap and naff, but not in the hipstery way.
hahahaaa
I live in Brighton, UK. It one of the hipster (dickhead) hot spots, its terrible! This vid sums it up…
amazing video. thank you.
OK, Brighton, Scotland (no city specified), you have no basis for complaint. I’m in Vancouver, CA which is the most privileged and soulless place on earth. I regularly see mid 40s and 50s males living their mid life crisis as ‘hipsters.’. It’s very pathetic. Not only that, the ‘hipster’ style is now a fashion craze so alll the ‘true’ hipster style is Armani or polo. It isn’t ‘hipster’ here anymore,.. Just d*uche.
“is that look hipster?”
“No, it’s d*uche-ster.”
People overgeneralize the word “hipster”. There are so many genres included in this useless subcategory that EVERBODY should probably fall under the term hipster. Nothing is cool. Everything is cool. Damn it already, JUST BE YOURSELVES, and stop putting labels on everything. (ooh cliche, what’cha gonna do about it? NOTHING because you’re a bunch of trolls who have nothing better to do all day than sit around criticizing people who will never know you on the internet.)
WORD UP
Dear Mira,
I believe that you were correct with many points that you wrote here. Firstly, my comments were perhaps a little harsh. Secondly, I too believe that people should be themselves and true to their own personality and not attempt to fit a cookie-cutter fad such as the ‘hipster.’ You did not state that hipsters were insecure, in your message, though I believe it was implicit in your writing. So to summarize your comment, those trying to fit the hipster (“overgeneralized”) cookie cutter fad are insecure.
I could not agree more,
Ruby
Fuck ALL of you. Every single one. I’m from a logging town and have had a (large) beard since I could grow one. And wore flannel because my parents gave it to me. Now I look like a fucking jack ass because worthless drug fried hipsters have destroyed everything because they refuse to realize they are worthless garbage.